16 Aug Goal-less
‘It is only when there is no goal and no rush that the human senses are fully open to receive the world.’ Alan Watt
I have been in the whirl of goal setting for what seems like forever – goals for my health, my weight, my fitness, my business, money goals, creativity goals, full and new moon intentions, setting a sankalpa to begin class or practice, New Years Resolutions! Holy Cow – you name it – I’ve probably set a goal for it. You could say everything has been like a goal to me.
That is until I came to a realisation.
Goals are killing my creativity, my drive, my health and my relationships.
My goals had become a means to an end and not the spark of inspirational joy and desire they first were. It felt like walking through thick murky quick sand, slowly but surely sinking into a hole of something that didn’t feel so good.
I read the quote above and it sparked something in me and then another from Thich Nhat Hahn about having a lazy day once in a while.
‘A lazy day is a chance to train ourselves not to be afraid of doing nothing. You might think that not doing anything is a waste of time. But that’s not true. Your time is first of all for you to be – to be alive, to be peace.’
I felt like divine guidance was stepping in to steer me toward a moment of recognition. Surely she was.
I know we humans have to get stuff done – prep food so we can eat, work to pay bills, clean the body and the home – it’s all part of the human experience for sure but when we get on that treadmill and don’t jump off from time to time…… You get me? I am going to suggest we jump off at least weekly, so we stay inspired, fresh and energised.
The question is how……
At Tuesday night yoga I declared ‘Tomorrow I am doing nothing. I will have no goal and be in no rush and I will report back.’
It didn’t work. Or it did but not in the way I thought it would.
On Wednesday I woke up and thought how am I going to do this? I decided to spend 5 hours in silence, no speaking meant no phone calls, no writing meant no lesson planning, journalling or emails and no reading meant taking in no new information. It took a few text messages to organise those I am close to, saying I was having some time out to be quiet and assuring them that I was ok – I received love hearts back. What inspired this was a need to clear my slate, to return to me without all the pressures I place on myself. A lazy day I did not have but I did have an extremely goal-less day where I didn’t know what I was going to do from moment to moment. Funny thing is I got more done with less energy and way less pressure and tension.
I wasn’t driven to achieve anything – I was just being and it was soooooo good.
Interesting moments of sitting on my front porch feeling the sensation of sun on eyelids, slowly sipping coffee. In the backyard, momentarily catching myself watching wind blow through grass. Rainbows dancing on bathroom tiles. It made me realise how I miss moments like these in my day to day hustle running from task to task.
I fell asleep for 45 minutes of bliss – no listening to a Nidra, just breathing and listening to my breath, the life and noise flowing all around and through me. We say we don’t have time but we do – for me I became aware it is in the state of my mind, the habitual thought of doing doing doing, producing producing producing.
My mind said no but my body gave a wholehearted yes ma’am! And I am glad I did it and it is becoming a regular part of my routine. To be quiet, to sit for a while, hours even.
I remember two teachers of mine telling me that everything they created in their lives sprang forth from their one full day of silence every week and now I totally believe them.
The second time I had quiet time I noticed I was yearning for it and knew it would do me so much good but I did become aware of other things as well. I noticed how much I go outside of myself to ask for information instead of relying on what I know. Like I said at class last night, I know how to make a frittata – I don’t need to google it!!!! I noticed how much I google for info – the weather – omg, how I rely on other teachers’ knowledge and trust their expertise more than I trust my own. So now practice has become a part of my quiet time – for me, I practice just for my own body, my own enjoyment, exploring with curiosity in the moment, with no goal.
Another awareness was one of fragmentation. I notice when I have regular time away from screens, books and other people, I am way less fragmented. My mind begins to settle into a state of flow. The no goal adds to this – in a moment of doing, I remind myself to not need to get stuff done – no goal, just being in the middle of life.
My exploration continues but silence has proven to be golden.
Tips for engaging in this idea:
- Decide when. Make it soon.
- Let your people know you will be unavailable or just don’t take calls, emails, texts during your allotted time period. Turn devices off.
- Ponder and/or journal about your why. Why do you want to do this – I strongly wanted a reboot – not so I can produce more in the future but so I can be comfortable with being …… again. A return to the true me. The one that can sit quietly, comfortably and contentedly with herself.
If you have read this far, I thank you for staying with me. I wrote this for you and for me. Blessings on the road of life and I wish you well. Let me know how it goes for you or if you have already been integrating silence or goalessness into your life.